Spreading Christmas Cheer... Of The Completely Invisible And/Or Liquid Variety.

Here's a breakdown of the Christmas Progress: please bear in mind that I'm leaving town on Thursday, so multiply any requisite panic by fourteen degrees. If for some reason there is no discernable panic, multiply that panic by sixty-eight degrees.

Presents purchased thus far:

a) boots

b) purse

c) seven smallish stuffed orange octopi

d) two largish stuffed blue octopi

e) $210 worth of MAC makeup

Number of presents which I am currently wearing on my feet or face and/or using to carry all my stuff around: three.

Bottles of wine purchased as hostess gifts: three.

Number of hostesses who have received bottles of wine from me thus far: zero.

Number of orange and/or blue octopi currently squishing around in my car: nine octopi.

How much I love typing the word “octopi” on a scale of one to ten: eleven octopi.

It Pays To DISCOVER.

These boots are fucking hot.

Octopi: They’re Everywhere You Want To Be.