The Christmas Martyr has spoken.
Several months ago I signed up for a six-week quilting class. Because I wanted to learn how to quilt, sure, but also because I was looking to expand my social circle to include a bunch of women who share my combined loves of lozenges and sitting.
I took this six-week class, and then I took a two-day class, and then I took a three-hour class, and then I asked if I could retake session two of the six-week class. At which point the instructor handed me a class schedule to recommend another course I might find helpful, Give Up Already 101. Little did she know I'm already deep into the 300-level of the Quit It curriculum.
So after like forty-five hours of concentrated instruction, I decided I would make everyone a quilt for Christmas. It seemed like a fantastic idea in September, sort of, to me. And I announced it to everybody like a jackass and ran out and bought a metric shit ton of fabric so I could spend the next four months cordoned off in the back of the house trying to jam a queen-sized quilt underneath the arm of my basic $279 Husqvarna sewing machine. It's a lot like trying to feed a VCR into a paper shredder.
The indie quilt store where I took all the classes is less than a mile up the road; yesterday I busted in there with a rotary cutter in one hand, seventy-three too small quilt squares in the other hand, nine yards of purple flannel around my neck, and weeping. Like a sad, sad king whose scepter is just WAY too sharp.
As of today I have one quilt left. ONE QUILT LEFT. I'm actually really enjoying the process; I tend to learn better with endless hours of instruction coupled with an almost unbearable amount of immediate and tedious practice, so I feel I'm thriving. I would have been done by now but there was a Christmas onslaught of zombie orders that rightfully took priority; as it stands I expect to have this quilt completely finished around three in the morning on Christmas Day.
I've taken pictures of all the finished quilts but I don't want to post them yet-- I don't want anybody seeing the evidence and getting all disappointed this far before Christmas. Nothing like a baby blue and eggplant quilt that looks like it was hand-quilted by mice to make you wonder whatever happened to Nordstrom gift cards.
4 Comments
Reader Comments (4)
This post, really any post by you, is the best Christmas gift you could give.
colleen, put down whatever you're smoking. erin's great and all, but i'll take cash.
i hope there's at least one tangerine and pepto quilt out there in the universe, stitched by the hand of erin glaser. it's really the only way i can fitfully sleep at night.
I have nothing useful to add, except: Silkscreen Sock Zombie Patchwork Quilt. That should so be a thing.
Mathew, cash is great, and God knows I could use some, but I'll suck up all I can if there's a chance it'll get her post more. I'm kind of disappointed that the quilting is going so well, though. I was hoping for a sequel to "A History of Fucked up Crochet."